Thursday, May 21, 2009

Don't Act Like A Bunch Of Hillbillies...

Hillbilly: noun - to act like you ain't got good sense.

This, of course, is my definition.

Back in the day, when everyone was younger,
every time we left the house I would plead:
"Please, guys, don't act like a bunch of hillbillies...
I don't know why, but every time we go somewhere; you act like you've never been anywhere..."
Inevitably, we would emerge from said outing with me mad as a wet hen asking," Why?...Why must you do this? Every time we leave the house you act like you don't have good sense!"

Well, I never figured it out completely; but here are my thoughts on the subject outlined in a piece called:

The Juvenile Code of Misbehavior

1) Leaving the house for any reason is an adventure. One may not be allowed to experience such freedom again so the youthful offender must be willing to take his or her chances. Opportunities for misbehavior may include, but are not limited to: church activities, grocery shopping or general shopping, visiting with friends or family, vacations, school trips and eating out.

2) Capitalize upon the times when your parent is distracted and not watching. The "eyes in the back of the head" threat is an urban myth.

3) Chances are your mom or dad isn't gonna "wear you out", at least not right there in public, so go for it. The intent of the misbehavior is temporary personal enjoyment and the elimination of boredom. However, all activities are undertaken at your own risk.

4) It is possible, though unlikely, that your guardians may not notice you crawling under the clothes racks and not using "your inside voices...". However, be forewarned that forgetting your manners especially in the presence of family and friends is extremely risky behavior and is not condoned in the code.

5) Remember, The Juvenile Code of Misbehavior mantra: Live dangerously and in the moment! Isn't that what childhood is all about?

6) Later, after the misbehavior has occurred, one can always plead temporary insanity...This may work because parents believe that no one in their "right" mind would act that way...

7) Blame your irresponsible and out of control behavior on your deviant siblings... at the very least this will create doubt and buy some time...Note, do not try this if there are no siblings...

8) Feign misunderstanding and confusion over said infraction...This tricky maneuver is best achieved with a wide eyed blank stare followed by the innocent question...What???

9) At this point your parent may begin to "rant and rave." Remain calm. This works to your advantage as it releases tension over said offense.

10) Lastly, combine puppy dog eyes with all the above. Say you're sorry...really sorry. Then begin to pray earnestly for a diversion of biblical proportions to save your adventuresome soul.

Should the aforementioned strategies work the process can be safely repeated by substituting previously unused techniques.


  1. You have taken me all the way back to my southern roots! I think I acted like a hillbilly more than once. I remember Mama "wearing me out", talking nice between clenched teeth when I was in the middle of a clothes rack, etc. . . . this made me giggle and think, "bless her heart, she really had her hands full with Little sister and me."

  2. You've hit the proverbial nail on the head 10 times! Today, I see my oldest dealing with her children the same way I used to, with embarrassment, pursed lips and a promise that they wouldn't live through the day!

  3. You are so right on with this post.

  4. This is hilarious. Probably because it is so true.

  5. Oh Lordie, if my mama gave us "the eye" we were in trouble. If she called us by our first AND middle names...we were goners:>)


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